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The Performance Doctor or it’s the wind in your sails.” ~ Joe Charbonneau In my coaching practice I often work with individuals who genuinely desire to move to the next level of achievement or success, yet continue to hit roadblocks and obstacles. They cannot understand why, when they put in time, energy and effort, they are failing or are moving slowly towards their goals. One of the first things I do in such a scenario is to ask the following questions: “What do you tolerate that keeps you from achieving your dreams and goals?” “Who do you put up with in your life that keeps you from experiencing happiness or self-respect?” “What are the ‘anchors’ on your tail that weigh you down and keep you from soaring to new heights in your business, relationships or life in general?” Unfortunately, we have learned to tolerate a lot in our lives. We will often put up with, take on, accept and even allow ourselves to be dragged down by various things in our lives. We allow the behavior or demands of others, certain life situations, poor personal boundaries, frustrations, discouragements, guilt and fear to interfere with our dreams. The key to overcoming these ‘self-imposed obstacles’ is to first realize that you are putting up with much more than you think! Before you can change your attitude and behavior, you must become aware of and clearly describe the things you tolerate and allow to interfere with your life. Awareness of your tolerations will bring them to the forefront of your mind and allow you to begin to handle them differently. By not letting yourself get away with these tolerations you can eliminate them and grow towards your goals. Below are some examples of things you might be tolerating in your life: • Don't like your job Take a few minutes and ask yourself, "What am I putting up with right now?" Write down all of the beliefs, people and things you are tolerating in your life. Make a list of the things you put up with in your home, work, relationships, and health. As you think of more items, be sure to add them to your list. Toleration 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Now, go back and write down any action you intend to take to overcome the toleration. For example, let’s say you discover how much you say ‘Yes’ to others, even though you know that by not setting appropriate boundaries you seldom achieve your personal or career objectives. Your action steps might include practicing to become more assertive. This might include starting to say ‘No’ when it is appropriate rather than allow others or your fears to control you. An action step of learning to communicate with others in an open and direct way will cause you to stop tolerating events or people who are really not in your best interest. Maybe you tolerate certain people in your life that are discouraging and negative. You might decide as an action step to talk with them about how much you need to feel their support and then be willing, if necessary, to let them go as you make other friends who are on your side and want to see you succeed. Do you tolerate certain types of negative ‘self-talk’? Do you allow yourself to get away with putting yourself down, or feeling shame and guilt? Do you tolerate telling yourself you aren’t capable of achieving your goals or that you don’t really deserve success? Make your ‘Tolerations’ list as long you need it to be. Then, as I mentioned above, begin to take action steps toward eliminating the things that distract you from your goals or drain your energy. Begin to take charge of your life today by replacing the “That’s just the way I am” attitude with “I no longer tolerate anything that holds me back.”
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